Have you been feeling down lately, wondering why you can’t seem to find love? Chances are, you can discover the answer within yourself, floating somewhere in the deepest corners of your mind. Or maybe you can’t seem to figure it out, no matter how much you think about it. In any case, this article may help you find the possible reason behind it. So without further ado, here are the things that may be holding you back from finding love.
6 Things That May Be Holding You Back From Finding Love
1. You Think You Need to Be Perfect Before Opening Your Heart to Someone
You’ll likely relate to this if you are a perfectionist and/or tend to be hard on yourself. Gradually, you may develop the belief that you have to be perfect until you give someone an opportunity to get to know you on an intimate level.
You may mistakenly believe that the only way to ensure a successful relationship is to be perfect. And so you keep waiting until you meet the standards you set for yourself. As a result, you end up closing your heart to love, not letting anyone near you.
Who knows, deep down, you may even realize that perfect people do not exist and hence, it’s impossible to be one. Yet, your perfectionistic tendencies make you forget about this, keeping you trapped inside your belief system.
Therefore, it’s important to remind yourself of this every time your perfectionism tries to get in your way of finding love. Remember, some perfectionism-driven behaviors can be hard habit to break. Therefore, you need to keep practicing until you get rid of the destructive habit.
2. You Have Self Esteem Issues
Now, this one may seem similar to what we’ve mentioned earlier, but in reality, that’s not the case at all. People with perfectionistic tendencies are waiting for the perfect moment to fall in love and start a relationship. And according to them, that perfect moment is when they become a perfect version of themselves.
On the other hand, people with low self-esteem don’t deem themselves worthy of receiving love and may have a hard time accepting it or even believing in someone’s sincere feelings for them.
If you suspect that your self-esteem issues are getting in your way of finding love, consider working through them with the help of a therapist.
Or if you are in a difficult financial situation and can’t afford sessions with one, try exercising as well as practicing meditation and mindfulness. These activities are proven to improve self-esteem, making you feel better about yourself the more time you dedicate to them.
3. You Think History Will Repeat Itself
Perhaps you’ve been hurt many times before, gradually making you lose all hope of finding love. This is quite a common phenomenon that occurs after painful breakups. Understandably, it’s difficult not to give up when you went through many failed and disappointing relationships. But that does not mean you should.
As hard and challenging as it can be, allow yourself the opportunity to love again. Give others the benefit of the doubt, even if that negative voice inside your head keeps telling you it won’t work out. Remind yourself that history does not have to repeat itself and you, too, will find your fair share of love at some point.
4. You Want to Find Love But Are Not Ready to Give Up Your Freedom Yet
Now, the situation would have been much different if you loved your freedom so much that you didn’t have the slightest desire to get into a relationship. Then you could have just stayed single for life and kept enjoying your unlimited freedom.
But what if you do want to get into a relationship but are not ready to let go of your freedom yet? Are you doomed to be in this dilemma forever? Fortunately not!
First and foremost, ask yourself what are the things that you appreciate the most about being single. Perhaps, it’s the fact that you can have wild night outs with your friends any time you want. Or how you can invest most of your time in pursuing the activities you love, such as your various hobbies and interests.
Once you have the answer to that question, you can be upfront about this with your potential partner. Tell them you need a lot of time for yourself even when you are in a relationship. Of course, this doesn’t mean you’ll be neglecting your relationship. All it means is that your partner has to be ready to give you some me-time every now and then.
But you should keep in mind that no matter how understanding your partner is, there will be times when you have to compromise. Sometimes your partner will be the one doing it, while other times it’ll be you. In any case, you can consider this as a small part of your freedom you need to give up as relationships don’t work without some compromise.
But the good news is, you can keep most of your freedom and independence and be in a relationship at the same time. If that sounds good to you, it may be time to give a relationship a try.
5. You Are Too Shy
No matter how charming and likable you are as a person, shyness can hold you back on a dating scene. If you tend to feel panicked and stumble on your words every time you are talking to someone you like, you may become even more shy and decide to give up altogether. But you should not do that as it can stop you from meeting someone special.
So work on your shyness and do everything in your power to control it rather than letting it control you. If you are a naturally shy person, you likely won’t be able to completely get rid of it. However, with enough practice, you’ll be able to reduce it to the level that it will stop getting in your way.
6. You Have Unrealistic Expectations and Requirements
Do you dream of finding someone who resembles your favorite character from that romance novel you’ve been reading? Unfortunately, you likely won’t be able to find somebody as perfect as them in real life. After all, real life is complicated and people are flawed.
Or maybe you are waiting for someone who fits every one of your requirements in the looks and personality department, not necessarily based on a virtual character.
In any case, having too unrealistic expectations can lead you to reject someone who is a potentially good match for you. For example, imagine that you meet somebody who you really like, they seem your type in many ways, but they are missing some things from your checklist. So you decide not to pursue anything with them for this reason.
Now imagine the opposite scenario; you decided to still give them a chance to see where things would go from there. And soon enough, you realized they are the one you have been looking for.
In other words, don’t be too quick to dismiss someone as a potential partner if they don’t satisfy all your expectations and requirements. Otherwise, you may miss the chance to meet someone compatible with you.
Final Thoughts
As you can see, you don’t have to give up if you are having some trouble with your love life. No matter how bad the situation seems, you have the power to do something about it and change everything for the better. So keep trying until you find that special someone made for you.
