Codependency is quite a common relationship phenomenon that makes one partner too emotionally or psychologically dependent on the other. But gradually, this dynamic can wreak havoc on your partnership and decrease overall relationship satisfaction. So what can you do to ensure you avoid this? This article will tell you everything you need to know regarding how to overcome codependency in a relationship. But first, how do you tell if you’re codependent? Here are some signs:
- You question your abilities and have a hard time making decisions
- You feel responsible for someone else’s actions or behavior
- You have the fear of abandonment
- You have trust issues
- You have low self-esteem
- You need approval from other people to feel better about yourself
- You are ready to make your partner happy at the expense of your own happiness
- You struggle to adapt to change
Now that you know all the signs, it’s time to learn what to do about them. Here are some things you can try.
How to Overcome Codependency in a Relationship
1. Start With Baby Steps
Tackling codependency can be a long and challenging process that requires a lot of effort and patience. Therefore, it’s important not to intimidate yourself from the very beginning. As such, you should start this journey by taking small, baby steps. Some of them can include:
- Doing solo activities
- Getting new hobbies or reconnecting with the old ones
- Spending more time with friends
- Meeting new people
- Going on a trip on your own
2. Dedicate Time to Self-improvement
Personal growth can help you feel more fulfilled and confident, which in turn will make you less likely to rely on your partner, helping you gradually let go of your codependent tendencies.
For example, you can start practicing yoga and mindfulness to improve your overall physical and mental health or take classes about subjects you are curious about.
Regardless of what you do, it will certainly help you feel better about yourself by boosting your self-esteem and making you even more charming of a person than you already are.
3. Work on Your Goals
Different people have different goals in life depending on their quality of life and circumstances. For example, you may be very successful in your career but feel like you can use some work in your personal life department by dedicating more time to your relationships. Or maybe you have other milestones set for yourself such as learning a new language or improving at painting.
Whatever your goal is, make sure to dedicate some attention and time to it. This can make you feel so busy and focused that you will gradually learn how to appreciate spending time on your own as you are chasing after your goals.
4. Become a Better Communicator
Good communication skills are typically correlated with higher levels of relationship stability and satisfaction. Not sure what you should do to better communicate with your partner? Here are some simple things to try, such as:
- Allowing them to share their perspectives and viewpoints
- Validating their thoughts and feelings
- Not jumping to conclusions when something doesn’t go right and asking them for an explanation
5. Identify Your Attachment Style
Attachment styles determine how you interact with and attach yourself to those important to you.
Although you form attachment styles during childhood, their effects don’t usually become noticeable until you reach adulthood and start relating to others one way or the other.
There are four main attachment styles:
- Secure
- Avoidant-insecure
- Anxious-insecure
- Disorganized-insecure
Out of these four, only the first attachment style is a healthy one. Since codependent people tend to have insecure attachment styles rather than the secure one, they end up developing the fear of abandonment or becoming clingy.
It’s crucial to identify your attachment style so you can be more conscious of your behavior in relationships, giving you the opportunity to discover and overcome your codependent tendencies.
6. Boost Your Self-esteem
In many cases, people with low self-esteem are more likely to become codependent in a relationship. The negative image of themselves and overly self-critical attitude makes it difficult for them to be mindful of their wishes and requirements. It can also stop them from setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Fortunately, once you learn how to love and appreciate yourself, you will increase your self-esteem, making you feel more independent and self-assured. Consequently, you will no longer feel the need to rely on your partner excessively.
Needless to say, you have every right to ask your loved one for a helping hand when things get difficult. However, after becoming more confident in yourself and your abilities, you’ll be able to handle things on your own most of the time.
7. Silence that Negative Voice in Your Head
Do you have a tendency to criticize yourself for every little mistake you make? Do you always find reasons to bring yourself down? If so, it’s time to become more kind and understanding toward yourself.
Instead of beating yourself up, practice positive affirmations. Of course, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your mistakes. In fact, it’s a very healthy and beneficial thing to do. But being cruel to yourself for every mistake you make will only make you feel worse in the long run. So remember to be kind to yourself and never let that negative voice take over you.
8. Work On Establishing Boundaries
A relationship can’t be strong and healthy if a couple has never established their boundaries in it. After all, it’s important to let your partner know what you are comfortable with and what you rather avoid.
Establishing boundaries will also help you remember that you are an individual whose voice matters just as much as that of your loved one and that you are their equal.
Ask yourself what you expect from your partner. Then share this with them so they know what they should and should not do.
Final Thoughts
Putting an end to the vicious cycle of codependency will not be an easy thing to do but the one that can bring you comfort, peace of mind, and independence. So keep practicing these methods regularly to set yourself free and finally feel more secure and fulfilled both in and outside a relationship.
