Some people find it easy to love themselves because, for them, it’s something that feels natural; the way it’s supposed to be. But there are also those who struggle to give themselves the love they deserve. If you are one of these individuals, you may be wondering what is the cause of it (if you don’t know the reason already) and what you can do to address it. That’s exactly what we’ll be discussing in this article, so keep on reading to learn more about common causes of low self-esteem and what you can do about it.
7 Common Causes of Low Self-Esteem and How to Address Each
1. You Think You Need to Be Perfect to Love Yourself
It does not matter where you find yourself on a perfectionism scale; even a little bit of perfectionism can make it difficult for you to love yourself. Consequently, the more perfectionist you are, the harder it becomes to cherish yourself just the way you are.
But you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. After all, what kind of a human would you be if you didn’t have any flaws whatsoever?
Think about it; why do we admire all those great characters from movies and books? Isn’t it because they seem to embody perfection?
And that’s exactly the thing about perfection; it is meant to exist only in the imaginary worlds we travel to in order to escape reality.
Therefore, try not to be harsh on yourself for being flawed and making mistakes. After all, it’s just a natural consequence of being a human and navigating life.
2. You Put Public Opinion First
It’s a good thing to be considerate of other people’s opinions, but it can also be a dangerous habit to get into if you become overly reliant on how others see you.
It may stop you from pursuing certain goals because some of your loved ones may not like it or you may hold back some opinions because you are too afraid about other’s reactions.
In any case, soon you may start to feel like you are living a lie; doing and saying only the things “approved” by those around you, and forcing yourself to fit in.
Gradually, this feeling may become stronger, making it more and more difficult for you to love yourself because you don’t have the courage to be your true self.
And as scary as it is to be yourself at times, you have every right to express yourself and go after things you dream of. After all, you only live once and it’s in your best interests to make the most out of it.
3. You’ve Never Been Taught What Love Is
We all know life is not fair, but unfortunately, some people learn this sooner than others. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may find it difficult to accept and love yourself because you never received it from your parents.
The childhood trauma can be compared to a poison that is slowly taking over your mind. It can make you believe things about yourself that are not true and it can make you feel responsible for things that are not your fault. It also activates your negative inner voice and generates countless lies to kill your self-esteem and sense of worth.
But as hard as it may be, you need to constantly remind yourself that everything your negative inner voice says is wrong. Always remember that you are worthy of love and capable of doing a lot of amazing things. So don’t let anyone or anything prove you otherwise, especially your own mind.
4. You Think Loving Yourself Is Narcissistic
In some cases, a person can be taught that loving themselves is wrong because it’s a narcissistic thing to do. However, this can’t be further from the truth.
Narcissists tend to be selfish and manipulative people who are overly self-absorbed. On the other hand, people who love themselves are compassionate toward themselves and others. They also accept themselves the way they are with all their flaws and imperfections included. And try to get even better than they already are.
So as you can see, narcissism and loving yourself are completely different notions. As such, there’s nothing wrong with loving yourself. As a matter of fact, it should be encouraged because loving others starts with loving yourself. After all, how can you show love to someone else when you can’t give yourself any of it?
5. You Always Compare Yourself to Others
Many people fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others and it’s not difficult to see why. It’s like a subconscious habit, a default mode, that comes with human nature. As such, it often feels natural to compare yourself to someone else.
But in reality, this can be a self-destructive habit that may stop you from becoming a better version of yourself and improving your life.
After all, when a person constantly compares themselves to others, they will always have the feeling of not being good enough. This in turn will make you feel melancholic and powerless, taking all the motivation from you.
Think about it this way; regardless of how great you are, there will always be someone better than you. And there will also always be someone better than that person you compare yourself to.
What is truly important is to focus on only yourself. In other words, compete against yourself and nobody else. Why? Because you can either be your own worst enemy who will get in your way. Or you can be your own friend who will help you become a better version of yourself and always motivate you to go after your goals.
6. You Think Loving Yourself Is Selfish
“It’s selfish to love yourself” is one of those lies some people want to make you believe. But in reality, loving yourself helps you set healthy boundaries and protect yourself from being used.
After all, if you are always ready to put others before you, especially at the expense of your happiness, some people will see it as an opportunity to exploit you. And who are these people? Often the same ones who tell you loving yourself is selfish.
See the irony here? People will try to convince you that loving yourself is selfish so they can take advantage of you for their own selfishness.
So keep this in mind and stand your ground whenever someone accuses you of being selfish when you are just showing yourself some love.
7. You Can’t Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes
For some people, loving themselves can be difficult because they are not able to move on from past mistakes. If you are one of those people, your mind probably drifts off to your past every now and then, making you feel guilty or worthless because of the mistakes you made.
And that’s exactly why you need self-love and self-compassion in this situation. You should try to show yourself the same love and compassion you show to your loved ones when they make a mistake. Of course it can be hard and you may need a lot of practice to cultivate this habit, but in the end, it’ll be worth it.
Final Thoughts
As you can see, there are many reasons that can cause you to develop low self-esteem. And in certain cases, your sense of low self-worth can be a combination of several of these factors, which may make it more difficult to fix this problem. But don’t forget that “difficult” doesn’t mean “impossible”, so keep working on yourself and continue doing what it takes to cultivate self-love.
