Are you the type of person who always puts their needs last? Do you have a tendency to sacrifice your happiness in exchange for making others happy? If you answered yes to these questions, you’re likely a people-pleaser. And chances are, you’re reading this because you are getting tired of it and want to fix it. So keep on reading to learn how to stop being a people pleaser by using the methods mentioned below.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: Things You Can Do
1. Know When to Prioritize Your Needs
There’s nothing wrong with putting your loved ones before you when they are going through something and need your undivided attention and support. But sacrificing your needs every time someone has a minor inconvenience will only make you unhappy in the long run.
It’ll disrupt your daily life and stop you from focusing on important things, such as your responsibilities, tasks, and goals.
In short, you’ll end up wasting your energy and time on things that don’t matter to you. And life is too short to waste those valuable resources, don’t you agree?
So the next time someone asks you for a favor or needs your help with something, consider the consequences of saying yes.
Ask yourself if this person is important to you and whether or not you can help them without sacrificing your best interests.
2. Set Boundaries
Make a list of the things you can and cannot do for others. Then implement this list into your everyday life and put it into practice whenever the occasion calls for it.
Make sure to stand your ground even when people try to push your boundaries. After all, that’s just the way some people are; they’ll try to persuade you a few times before they give up.
So when you meet such individuals, it’s important to show them that you’re not going to budge or change your mind. Once they realize this, they’ll stop bothering you altogether.
3. Get Comfortable With Saying “No”
Maybe you think that saying “no” will make you look like a bad person or people will start disliking you immediately.
And while some people may indeed think that you’re not a good person for saying “no”, most people will respect your decision.
The only people who may dislike you will be toxic ones; the type of individuals who see others as tools they can use.
And being disliked by toxic people only means you’re doing something right and you’re not like them. So you have nothing to worry about.
4. Be Prepared for the Discomfort
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when you are trying to change your behavior. What’s important is to be prepared for the discomfort that comes with it.
You may feel ashamed, anxious, or disappointed in yourself in the beginning. But you’ll get used to it after some time.
In short, discomfort is the price you have to pay for personal growth. And reminding this to yourself can help you not to give up.
5. Don’t Over-Apologize
Constantly apologizing may subconsciously make you believe that your needs are far less important than those of others. Instead, you should apologize only when it’s necessary.
However, this may be hard to do at first because people-pleasers apologize out of habit quite often.
So whenever you feel like apologizing, ask yourself whether it’s an automatic response or you genuinely mean it.
6. Avoid Making Excuses
The thing about making excuses is that it can prevent you from overcoming people-pleasing behaviors. When you make an excuse why you can’t do something, other people may take it as a weakness.
They’ll think you’re being apologetic and may try to push your boundaries until you finally give in. And the worst part? You will probably lose that battle because you won’t be able to withstand the pressure.
So to prevent this scenario, avoid making excuses as to why you can’t do something. The only time you should give an explanation is when someone asks you for it.
7. Remember that Making Yourself a Priority Isn’t a Crime
Many people pleasers tend to think that prioritizing themselves is selfish and egotistical. But that can’t be further from the truth. It simply means you are giving yourself the time and energy you need to take care of yourself and your life.
It’s also an act of self-care as prioritizing yourself allows you to give yourself the personal space or me-time you crave. And there’s nothing wrong with any of that. If someone is trying to make you believe that, know that they are trying to manipulate you. So don’t fall for that.
Otherwise, you will always feel stressed and unhappy. You will constantly feel like there’s someone you have to accommodate, which can be tiresome and nerve-racking.
So don’t feel guilty about putting your needs first because that’s the only way to stay mentally healthy and happy.
8. Remind Yourself that You Can’t Make Everybody Happy
Every person has different needs and desires. You may be able to make someone happy with your actions, but those same actions may upset another individual. Because that’s just the way life is; it’s impossible to make everyone happy.
This gives you even more reason to prioritize yourself when the occasion calls for it. So instead of trying to please everyone, allow yourself to put your needs and desires first because there’s nothing wrong with that.
9. Remember that It’s Okay to Take It Slow
If saying “no” feels too uncomfortable for you in the beginning, try doing other things that aren’t as overwhelming.
For instance, if you feel obligated to instantly reply to texts, start taking your time with them.
Doing this can help you train yourself to gradually establish your boundaries and feel more in control of your life.
It’s these small and simple changes in behavior that ultimately lead to great positive changes. So keep practicing and you’ll soon see its powerful effects.
Final Thoughts
Changing your behaviors is rarely easy, especially when it’s been a part of your personality for a long time. So there’s no doubt you will encounter certain difficulties while trying to change your people-pleasing behaviors.
But in most cases, good things in life aren’t given; they are awarded. And finally overcoming your people-pleasing behaviors can be that award for you. So keep trying until you ultimately succeed.
